After a horrible first day of being 40 and crying twice I attempt to make myself pretty for my birthday party.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
2013... A Closing Letter
I started 2013 in a place no better fit to start a year in. I was at Teasers, with a stack of cash, and stripper’s ass in my face. Seriously, I was sitting in the chair next to the stage, a dancer walks up to me, does a flip into my lap – her head was in my lap, her crotch and ass in my face. It was HEAVEN. I was drinking MacCallan 12 with beer backers all night. I woke up the next day with a hangover and a picture of me on Google my brother took before he left my house. I was asleep in bed with Banshee sleeping on my hip. A while later I forced my ass out of bed to go to my parents’ house to meet up with them and my brother and have dinner and open birthday presents.
January was my first real year-end close as an accountant, where we worked late and had major deadlines, and worked Saturdays.
The end of January brought me to the dentist which started a 3-month journey with steroids, percocets, antibiotics, oral surgery, and my first case of dry socket. Soft food is my enemy.
In May I had a wonderful beach trip with two of my greatest friends. Lighthouses, the Wright Brothers memorial, Duck Donuts, and the Cape Hatteras National Seashore.
In June I went on another long journey, only this has yet to end. I apparently got bit by tick in May and it gave me the glorious gift of a parasitic and systemic infection. It changed my perception, my memory, my behavior, my attitude, and my threshold to percocets and migraine pills and people in general. I swore I was going to lose my job because my attitude was worse than my attendance. I had times when I couldn’t get out of bed for days at a time.
I didn’t get diagnosed with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever until the end of September. I have since put antibiotics into my daily diet, along with muscle relaxers, nerve blocks, injections, percocets, and more migraine pills. The last procedure I had was December 13th, an attempt to rid me of severe neck pain and migraines for 4 to 6 months. It is now December 27th and I am still in pain worse than I was on the 13th. I have found out that doctors refuse to treat this disease because the CDC and insurance companies think that 2 weeks of doxycicline will cure it (*if caught within 2 weeks of getting bit). Problem is, most people don’t catch it within 2 weeks, and they have issues all their life, and doctors are scrutinized and sued if they treat you. How did I get antibiotics for so long then? I had a different doctor give them to me, and even though I still feel like shit, he won’t give me anymore. But he did send me to the pain doctor to help treat the pain, even though that really hasn't got me anywhere.
Also in 2013 I found out that the company I work for is being bought by another and there is no telling how long we will have jobs. Yes, they might keep a few of us, they might not, they might move us to Roanoke, VA, they might not. And here I am, sick, and in no condition to look for another job.
I quit speaking to someone this year who had always been in my life. It was well deserved, but it still hurts, and hurts more that I hide it.
I keep trying to find good things that have happened this year, but really, there aren't. The bad things outweigh the good so much that the good become tiny and insignificant. I have fought all year with something and I am done with it.
2013 can kiss my ass. I am glad it is over. 2013 can fuck itself for fucking me.
January was my first real year-end close as an accountant, where we worked late and had major deadlines, and worked Saturdays.
The end of January brought me to the dentist which started a 3-month journey with steroids, percocets, antibiotics, oral surgery, and my first case of dry socket. Soft food is my enemy.
In May I had a wonderful beach trip with two of my greatest friends. Lighthouses, the Wright Brothers memorial, Duck Donuts, and the Cape Hatteras National Seashore.
In June I went on another long journey, only this has yet to end. I apparently got bit by tick in May and it gave me the glorious gift of a parasitic and systemic infection. It changed my perception, my memory, my behavior, my attitude, and my threshold to percocets and migraine pills and people in general. I swore I was going to lose my job because my attitude was worse than my attendance. I had times when I couldn’t get out of bed for days at a time.
I didn’t get diagnosed with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever until the end of September. I have since put antibiotics into my daily diet, along with muscle relaxers, nerve blocks, injections, percocets, and more migraine pills. The last procedure I had was December 13th, an attempt to rid me of severe neck pain and migraines for 4 to 6 months. It is now December 27th and I am still in pain worse than I was on the 13th. I have found out that doctors refuse to treat this disease because the CDC and insurance companies think that 2 weeks of doxycicline will cure it (*if caught within 2 weeks of getting bit). Problem is, most people don’t catch it within 2 weeks, and they have issues all their life, and doctors are scrutinized and sued if they treat you. How did I get antibiotics for so long then? I had a different doctor give them to me, and even though I still feel like shit, he won’t give me anymore. But he did send me to the pain doctor to help treat the pain, even though that really hasn't got me anywhere.
Also in 2013 I found out that the company I work for is being bought by another and there is no telling how long we will have jobs. Yes, they might keep a few of us, they might not, they might move us to Roanoke, VA, they might not. And here I am, sick, and in no condition to look for another job.
I quit speaking to someone this year who had always been in my life. It was well deserved, but it still hurts, and hurts more that I hide it.
I keep trying to find good things that have happened this year, but really, there aren't. The bad things outweigh the good so much that the good become tiny and insignificant. I have fought all year with something and I am done with it.
2013 can kiss my ass. I am glad it is over. 2013 can fuck itself for fucking me.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Friday, December 6, 2013
The Birth of an Idea
I am turning forty soon and have nothing to look forward to, so I figured why not try the 365-day challenge. I have been thinking about this for a while and have finally decided what to do. A picture of my eyes every day for a year - the year that I am forty. Joy, pain, tears, what do my eyes show every day? How much will I age over the year? Can you really see the pain of migraines through the eyes? Will you see the change in the color of my eyes when I get migraines, get no sleep, get plenty of sleep, am hungover, am sober, am happy, am exhausted? How much will my eyes change as I struggle with chronic Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and deal with the pain and exhaustion? We will all find out together. Project starts Tuesday, December 31, 2013 and goes through Tuesday, December 30, 2014. All images will be taken from my phone (Google Nexus 5) in HDR, time of day will vary, all will be selfies, none will be edited. All raw footage (well, as raw as the HDR will allow).
Thanks go to Ronnie Tucker who helped me decide on this, and will hopefully push me to keep it going.
Thanks go to Ronnie Tucker who helped me decide on this, and will hopefully push me to keep it going.
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